Sometimes I Feel Like a Blockhead

This will be one of those blog posts that I hope no one reads, but most people I know will. Usually how it happens when I talk about something that is hard for me to put into words.

No matter how I state it, it will sound as if I’m ungrateful or whining, which really it isn’t meant to be, but I can totally understand that thought process.

I’m jealous of the friendships people have, and wish that I had those kinds of relationships with my friends.

Growing up, my family moved around a lot. I would make friends, and then within a year or two, we’d move and I’d have to do it all over again. When my father died, and my mother told me we were moving back to Missouri, it broke my heart.

You see, we were living in Visalia, California, and had been for 4 whole years. It was by far the longest we had lived anywhere by 2 full years. I had two really great friends. John and Nate. I even remember giving John a present after 3 years, and telling his mom it was to celebrate how long we had been friends. It was a cool Michigan Wolverines hat that I had gotten from the gas station down the street from my house. Didn’t follow the school but the hat was really cool. He didn’t understand it, but I didn’t care.

So when we moved back to Missouri, I knew I’d start the whole cycle over again. This time though, wasn’t until High School that I found friends that I clicked with. Unfortunately, they were all a year or two older, and by the time I had graduated, they were off to college, or starting families and moving on.

I have couple really awesome people in my life that I consider my best friends, and amazing people. They have meant a lot to me in my life and have done things for me and my family that I’d never forget or be able to repay. So that’s why writing this seems unfair to them. But, at the same time it’s not about them or the relationships I have with them.

I watch people I know who have had the same friends since elementary school and who have shared full life experiences with. Everyone I’ve ever friended has been in spurts and small chunks of time. People who are so close that all of their interests are the same and they can talk to each other about ANYTHING.

My family watches a couple guys on YouTube named Rhett and Link (Hello fellow Mythical Beasts!). These are two longtime friends who looked at each other and said.. “HEY! LET’S MAKE A YOUTUBE CHANNEL AND JUST HAVE FUN!” I envy that. I feel like there is no one in my life I can just call and say something like that to, and they’d just be down to just kick back and do something that we are BOTH really in to

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I know a lot of this is a product of growing up, and having families. Planning things, and fitting shit into nice organizational schedules. And I know this all sounds like a, “grow up and stop complaining about what you don’t have and appreciate what you do” thing, and you’re right. But it doesn’t change the fact that deep inside, it’s one of those things I’ll always want, and never have.